my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
