During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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