He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
