you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
