Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
