Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
