Where is the hickey?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
