Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
