Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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