You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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