I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
