I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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