The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
