Sponge bath it is.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize