Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
