what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
