Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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