Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
