can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
