just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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