They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize