I wish I could teleport
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
