if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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