Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
