Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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