I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
