dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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