No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
