I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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