I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
