so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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