I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
