I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
