I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
