soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
