Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It all started with a game of naked twister.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
