problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
