How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
