is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Even my vagina gasped.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
