I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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