My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
