I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
