Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize