Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
