walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
