Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
