I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
