I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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