Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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