Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
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Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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