those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
