i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
