you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
