They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
