butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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