69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
