They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
