SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
