Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
