My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
