Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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