Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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