now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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