Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
