She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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