There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
