Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
