That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
