OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
