if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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