I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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