Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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