At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
