see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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