She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
