Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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