Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
