Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
